Thursday, May 1, 2008

Some lessons to be learnt from history (I)

  1. Don’t piss off your peasants. They’ll revolt and kill you.
  2. Never invade Russia from the west. The snow will kill you. (The Russians will help).
  3. All monotheistic (so-called portable) religions claim that there is no God but God in no smaller part considering that Judaism has always been monotheistic. This is absolutely NOT true as YHVE, or Tetragramaton if you prefer, was one of their Gods – the God of War, reaching its eminence through wars of unification and survival against external enemies.
  4. Geography matters.
  5. No other country but Africans cared about Africa. (Every country should).
  6. The French always lose. If the French win it is because they are fighting themselves, being led by someone who is not French, or the US is doing all of the fighting. It’s best to just ignore France.
  7. The Jews are the most persecuted people in history. Statistically, they’re bound to start winning sometime. (As long as they don’t piss of their peasants or invade Russia…or ally themselves with the French).
  8. Don’t think Chinese are too incapable or too modest. The moment will come and they will stun the world like never before. (Indeed this is what is already starting to happen).
  9. Burning down cities will not bring your Messiah back.
  10. Wherever natural resources of any value are discovered, local population suffers massacres, deprivation, and starvation caused by those who can afford.
  11. Every superpower saw its own summit before tumbling down.
  12. The Romans declared war on China. They didn’t know where China was or what it was but they thought it would be a good idea to declare war on it just in case. It’s always good to declare war on people you don’t know…as long as they don’t find out and kill you.
  13. When in doubt pay your enemies to go sack another civilization. Hope that civilization does not have an important looking Pope.
  14. History was always there and available to those who were at crossroads of great events, but they always thought that their case is different not heeding the history, thus ending up in the very same situation that history witnessed.
  15. Conquer the world…but don’t forget to govern your empire or it will fall apart.
  16. Marco Polo invented spaghetti.
  17. Leonardo da Vinci invented chemical weapons.
  18. Guys who talk to statues and appoint their horse Consul of Rome generally don’t make good Emperors.
  19. Armenians (not Jews) introduced coffee to Europe.
  20. You can’t expect much from a guy named after a toilet.
  21. The Phoenicians built an entire empire on snail testicles.
  22. When uniting Germany, don’t try to rebuild Charlemagne’s Empire.
  23. An army of 12,000 terracotta soldiers will not protect you from a mob of angry Chinese peasants.
  24. Switzerland is cool…they have chocolate, pocket knives, watches, banks, the most armed society in the world, and a military that is so effective, its banned from most wars by international law. Not even Hitler was stupid enough to mess with the Swiss.
  25. Trade is the best way to spread culture, disease, religion, language, and technology but conquest works in the unlikely event that you don’t have anything that anyone else wants.
  26. The Europeans first sent merchants to trade with you, then missionaries to convert you, and finally armies to conquer you.
  27. St. Peter’s Basilica cost the Catholic Church Germany.

No comments: