I woke up twice today.
First time I woke up I felt as if I had a head left squashed by a train passing through it. It felt as if I had a day long boxing tournament the day before and I lost…The only desire in such case is to fall as quickly back asleep as possible. Sleeping is the best and the surest of cures in many cases – in this case in particular. I fell asleep…
The second time I woke up I felt differently. There are times when you wake up not realizing where or when you are. Time and space mold together creating a single time-space dimension where the time-space flows in one direction, and by happenstance you don’t really realize in which direction it does. You feel afloat – you don’t even know afloat of what. You are unable to feel the difference between a dream and a reality. You close your eyes and you open them again and the only difference it makes is the amount of light. It takes you some few or more seconds to get your bearings back and to locate yourself by an unconscious but very rational and ultra-rapid questioning of your mind on subjects of where and in which time you were yesterday. The moment you localize yourself by such a query, you start feeling better, but not really. You now have a rational explanation somewhere in your head concerning your current location, and flows of thoughts and with them your worries, fears and hopes keep on pouring into your now increasingly awake mind. Thick fog –as you come to realize now - dissipates, and you start discerning then and now, here and there, yesterday and today. Like in a chemical chain reaction, this realization accelerates the entire process. All of sudden you feel as if someone came and kicked you abruptly awake and gave a you a good doze of food for thought and worries to think about.
At this point, you don’t have to persuade yourself or do a mental exercise of self-instilment for shaking your mind and body awake because they both become as alive and as awake as they ever could. But it doesn’t stop there. The ongoing rush of thoughts and worries – usually negative, anxious and worrying pieces of information have an unsurprisingly heavier impact – makes your brains feel – at least for a split second – rather livid and drained of al energy. Without realizing it, your entire body and mind go through a mental exercise of thinking and living, to a certain extent, logical ends and consequences of those thoughts, which sometimes can make your body and mind quite tired. In a matter of minutes, you experience the blur and fuzziness followed by increasing awakening doubled with acuteness of senses and dawning realization of surroundings followed by drenching flow of accelerated mental scenario shifts taking you sometimes to rational and sometimes intuitive, irrational and full-of-bias ends of your thoughts, fears, aspirations and making these few minutes feel equivalent to months and years of your life not yet lived.
The five minutes after the second wake-up..