Friday, January 25, 2008

50 Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of
your Kleenex to other passengers

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering: 'Shut up, all of you just shut UP!

4. Whistle the first ten notes of 'It's a Small World'

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural
frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while
peering inside ask: 'Got enough air in there?'

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the
elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing
the wall, without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to
yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they
open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper:
'Noogie patrol coming!'

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm
handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

14. One word: Flatulence!

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and
demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you
dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while,
and then announce: 'I've got new socks on!'

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the
back: 'Oh, not now, motion sickness!'

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occasionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in
your nose.

22. Frown and mutter 'gotta go, gotta go' then sigh
and say'oops!'

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks

24. Sing 'Mary had a little lamb' while continually
pushing buttons.

25. Holler 'Chutes away!' whenever the elevator

26. Walk on with a cooler that says 'human head' on
the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then
announce 'You're one of THEM!' and move to the far
corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say 'mmmm...tasty!'

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the
button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other
passengers 'through' it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask
'is that your beeper?'

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say 'Ding!' at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say 'I wonder what all these do' and push the red

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and
announce to the other passengers that this is your
'personal space.'

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another
passenger: 'Wanna see wha in muh mouf?'

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: 'I must find a more
suitable host body.'

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a

48. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other

49. Stare at your thumb and say 'I think it's getting

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler
'Bad Touch!

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