Shit happens...

Taoism:

- Shit happens.

Confucianism:

- Confucius says, "Shit happens."

Hare Krishna:

- Shit happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.

Hinduism:

- This shit has happened before.

Zen:

- (What is the sound of shit happening?)

Buddhism:

- If Shit happens, it isn't really Shit.

7th Day Adventist:

- No shit on Saturdays.

- Shit happens on Saturday.

Protestanism:

- Shit won't happen if I work harder.

Lutheranism:

- Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.

Anglicanism:

- It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.

Catholicism:

- Shit happens because I'm bad.

Christian Science:

- When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.

- Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.

Jehovah's Witnesses:

- Knock, Knock: "Shit happens."

Mormon:

- This shit is going to happen again

Judaism:

- Why does this shit always happen to US?

Hedonism:

- There's nothing like a good shit happening.

Rastafarianism:

- If shit happens, let's smoke it!

Stoicism:

- This shit is good for you.

Calvinism:

- Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Secular Humanism:

- Shit evolves.

Existentialism:

- Shit doesn't happen; shit is. - What is shit, anyway?

Moonies:

- Only happy shit really happens.

New Age:

- That's not shit, it's feldspar.

- This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.

Quakerism:

- There is shit in every one of us.

Atheism:

- There is no shit.

- Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead.

Fatalism:

- Oh shit, it's going to happen!

Agnosticism:

- I'm not sure about this shit.

Voodoo:

- I'll make shit happen to you.

Scientology:

- Pay us 10,000 and we will make your shit happen.

Aum:

- We'll turn this world into shit.

Marxism:

- One day this shit will be ours.

Liberalism:

- If shit happens to the few, it'll happen to us all.