Some blunt and risky insults

Does your face hurt, because it's killing me!

He's so dumb, he sits on the TV and watches the sofa.

You're so ugly, when you go into the bank they turn off the surveillance cameras.

In a battle of wits she's unarmed.

I haven't been ignoring you; I've been prioritizing you.

Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

He's a few clowns short of a circus.

She's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

She's a few Cokes short of a six-pack.

He's a few peas short of a casserole.

She's one taco short of a combination plate.

She's a few feathers short of a whole duck.

He has an intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

She's as smart as bait.

This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

He's as bright as Alaska in December.

One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.

He's so fat, his car's seat belts have stretch marks.

He's so dense, light bends around him.

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

He would argue with a signpost.

He's a couple of bricks short of a hod.

He's a couple of dilithium crystals short of a warp core.

He's a couple of knights short of a Crusade.

He's a few ears short of a bushel.

He's a few tomatoes short of a thick sauce.

He's got a room temperature IQ.

He's about a half a bubble off plumb.

He's all lime and salt, but no tequila.

He's an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

He was born during low tide in the gene pool.

He has both oars in the water, but they're on the same side of the boat!

He can't find his ass with two hands and a periscope.

He is diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

God might still use him for miracle practice.